Witty dating profile examples

My distance is set to the smallest at 30 miles away. I’m not going to end up in one of their commercials. Pass this along to anyone that’s thinking about doing eharmony.com, it’s your American duty. I called and spoke to a guy, and all he could say was “all I can do is refer you to the email”, he literally said that like 7 times.

My math might be wrong, but I’m pretty sure LA is farther than 30 miles from San Diego. I guess I have to find another way to waste money on girls that aren’t making out with me per month. That’s all he could say, and read off his script, when I asked him, but WHY was my account canceled.

That’s always kind of awkward when you’re supposed to be “working”. You’re going to continue reading without telling any of your hot female co-workers? I had some other titles in work for this blog, but they just didn’t capture the essence of what I was trying to say. A “computer” matches you up based on “29 levels of compatibility”, which I’m fine with. Because you’re thinking, wow some super computer down at Eharmony headquarters is crunching vectors and differential equations just to find my perfect mate, and everyday you log in and see new matches, that you think are hand picked from the computer gods above.

I mean, I feel bad if you’re at work right now reading this, and the biggest letters on your screen involve the words FUCK YOU. So after you completed their riddles and questions, you then can start receiving “matches”, hurray!

So everyday since I’m up at midnight, I log in and get my 7 new exciting matches. That’s active, open, matches, that I’ve sent my multiple choice questions over to, and I’m patiently waiting for their response. In ADDITION to the 748 matches I am currently waiting for a response for, I have also 436 archived matches and 721 matches I’ve closed out. So you’re saying I matched on 29 levels of compatibility with almost 2000 women in San Diego?

So before you know it, you’re waiting on 5 girls to respond back, and then it’s 10, then 20, then 50! As of tonight I was in stage 1, waiting for 748 matches to respond back to me from stage 1. You’re probably thinking Steven, you should be more selective anyways, you can’t just be communicating with every person you get matched with. So all together I have been matched with 1905 and different females. Or whats more likely is you sent me every girl in San Diego in 7 girl increments.

At least that’s what I tell myself, so I can sleep at night.

Another thing I don’t like about eharmony is all the fucking ads. Not only are they’re charging me about 30 bucks a month, they also bombard me with ads!?

The multiple choice questions have to be picked from a provided list and the answers are already provided. Apparently girls need months and months before then can decide that they want to respond back to me with these tough hitting question?

You’re probably thinking well, there has to be a glitch in the matrix.

There’s no way that 748 girls just haven’t responded back to you.

They’re probably closed you out and you didn’t know. I WISH they had closed me out, that way at least I know they’re weren’t interested, they would be removed from my list.

And I don’t close out any matches even though they haven’t responded in weeks/months because there’s always a chance.

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